Out of the darkness...into the light?

Greetings from the other side!!  As I type this, I am finally in a state of mind where I can string together more than one conscious thought at a time and I think I can make enough sense now to start posting again.  I will warn you, however, that the flow of thoughts in this post might be somewhat disjointed with a decent amount of randomness thrown in as my mind is still not back to 100% and I am still taking a pretty decent amount of pain killers.
I can honestly say that the previous week was, without a doubt, the worst week of my life.  Starting with the surgery that didn't go as well as I had hoped through the never-ending physical pain and emotional anguish experienced while I was at the hospital to the excruciating 2 hour drive home to Katy from the medical center in rush hour, I feel like I need a break from it all.  I think I even told Jessica that, I just want to run away from everything.  My will to survive, however, keeps me here fighting through every new twist and turn in the road and hopefully there are many more roads to be traveled ahead of me because I feel as though I have a lot left in me.  I very much hope that is the case.  Funny thing how all these bumps in the road leave me with an appreciation of the small things.  Hearing my boys giggle in their rooms at night after going to bed, seeing their excitement in the morning when we tell them they can ride their bikes to school and jut being here when they get home from school and settle in to the normal weekday routine, it makes me happier right now to be a part of this everyday than I could have ever imagined.  This is probably too much information, but just the simple act of urination which was performed mindlessly a week ago has taken on a whole new level of difficulty that I have not previously experienced.  I think I made some breakthroughs last night, so I believe that the worst of it is behind me so I can start building from here.
My take on my stay in the hospital: it sucked and I did not sleep at all.  It was a level of sleep deprivation that I have never experienced...the first night it was because of the pain, the second night because I couldn't evacuate my bladder and the third mainly because the stupid bed never stops moving.  THAT was annoying.  Once I got through the first night, I though to myself that things could not get any worse so I could start trending upward, but little did I know that things could indeed get worse and very much did so.  It is hard to describe the feelings of being so exhausted and frustrated and afraid of something that I feel the need to stand and argue with the nurse over what she wants to do versus what I absolutely don't want to do but in the end, I acquiesce and go through with it just in hopes that I could get some sleep.  Anyway, I made it through what has been, to this point, the worst of it and am now relaxing at home trying to recover as best I can.  I hate the drains, but they are a necessary evil at this point and I just have to deal with them and hopefully they will come out Thursday.

A photo from a better time...

There are so many questions, thoughts and concerns that are swirling through my ever clearing mind, but all that can wait until I am physically able to face all of that.  Right now, it's a lot of exhaustion and laying in bed.  Jessica has been incredible through it all as she is the one who has to deal with stripping and emptying my drains, making sure I take my numerous medications and she stays on top of my wound care in a way I know I never would.  I will never be able to thank her enough or show her how much I appreciate what she is doing for me.  Many thanks also to everyone out there who has taken time to wish me well, or come by the hospital or the house, or sent a card or just simply sat down and prayed or sent good thoughts my way.  I thank you immensely, you all bring ever increasing glimmers of hope to a person who otherwise was losing it all with every passing day.

Lay Man's Terms

Well, I've been saying that I would explain what actually happened to Bryce in lay man's terms.  Because some people didn't realize the magnitude of his surgery.  Then there's me who thought it was going to be WAY worse.  Either way, I think he looks wonderful!!!!  So here we go.....

When they started the surgery, the head & neck surgeon opened him up, she went along the scar on the neck a little bit.  But she also made a hole at the base of his neck that went towards the chest.  We thought it would be the size of a hand.  Nope..... half the size of my palm is IT!

Phase 2:  Get cancer out.  See previous post Here's the Deal for the details on that.  They removed the thyroid.  I know I told you all that news.  Did I mention that there are 4 parathyroid glands too?  She actually put one of those back in.

Phase 3:  Enter the plastic surgeons!!!  They made an incision down the right pectoral muscle towards his side.  They took the pec muscle and flipped it up inside of his body to lay inside of his neck where the hole was left the from head & neck team.

Phase 4:  This creates loose skin on the pec now.  So they took skin from the pec for the skin graft for his neck.  

Phase 5:  Put in drains & stitch him up.  He has 2 drains in the same site just below his right arm pit.  And they stitched his pec back up.  The stitches in the neck are around the graft and a little bit on each side going along the old scar.  And they put one drain in the neck.

Yeah..... he feels like he's been hit by a bus.  But the pain does get better every day.  He gets up & moving around for longer every day too.  On the other hand, he hates the drains.  HATES!  With a passion that burns like a thousand suns.  He hates them.  I think he'll feel WAY better once those are gone.  I'm going to start petitioning for that tomorrow.

For now, he's on TONS of calcium & various things while the parathyroid tries to kick back into gear.  He'll go in for bloodwork so that they can adjust levels of his intake.  That's when the petition will start.

I'm going to go for now.  Again..... the love & support is truly amazing!!!!  We've had wonderful visitors.  My Austin BFF, Leslye, is here right now making us dinner.  I put her to work tearing our my microwave that was busted.  Then neighbor, Jennie from the Block, pops in and says "Uh Uh.... I'm sending my dad."  So in walks Poppy to remove my microwave THEN HAND US THEIRS!!!!!!  WHAT?!??!!!!!  We have such good friends!!!!!  I love you ALL!!!!!  Keep the prayers coming!  Keep praying that he'll BStrong through this!!!

Pray! Fight!! Win!!!

BStrong

Jess

Bustin' Outta This Joint

It's official.... we're blowin' this popsicle stand!  One of the doctors on the head amd neck surgical team just came by {yeah. at 6. every morning before 6:30} to check on Bryce & said he's good to go!  It probably will not happen until sometime between 10 and noon.  So Bryce has gone back to sleep.

I'll update when I have him settled in at home.  I imagine I'll be loasinf the car & doting on him the majority of the morning.

So his sister, Kristina, thought of something cool while she was jogging the other day.  She sent me a text & finished with "BStrong"  I love it!  Many people sometimes refer to him as B.  And today is the day the fighting begins.  No more nurses to lean on.  No more nurse assistants changing his sheets and his hospital gown.  It's up to him to BStrong.

Pray! Fight!! Win!!!
And BStrong!
Jess

Clear as Mud

Clear as mud.  A phrase I grew up with.  And exactly how my brain feels today.
Bryce is resting NOW.  But to be honest, last night was awful.  He hasn't slept for a couple of nights.  And really didn't sleep much the night before surgery either.  I mean.... we had to wake up at 3 to get here on time.

You probably don't need to hear the level of certain chemicals or whatever that bodies produce.  And I'm not so sure anyone cares about his blood pressure.  Additionally, I'm not going to betray his privacy.  I feel quite sure that you don't need the minutia of health/physical issues that occur after surgery.  But I feel like it's all coming together this this morning.  As of 9:00 this morning {to be precise} I feel like he turned the corner.  Pain is regulated.  Physical ailments are lessening.

Next up:  Rest & keeping his mind right.
When a man is exhausted, his mind goes bonkers.  I think he hit bonkers last night.  I might be there right now.  If you see me licking windows, just ask me to take a nap.  When I have a little more energy & I feel like I can say my big girl words, I'm going to post about his actual surgery.  Things I hadn't understood until I actually saw Bryce for the first time.

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!
Jess

Here's the Deal....

There's a funny thing that happens when people love you.  They ask questions.  You know.... the hard hitting ones.  The questions that you can't lie about.  The ones you can't avoid.  The questions that actually reveal the truth of the situation.  It was a good news/bad news situation.  So to help break the news, I'm going to insert randomness that helps make everyone smile.  Dr. Pytynia, the head & neck surgeon came out after her portion of the surgery was finished to talk to the family (myself, Bryce's parents & my mom) to let us know that she did all that she could, but some of the squamous cells could not be removed by surgery.

She did not get clear margins on 3 areas.  She was visually upset when breaking the news to us & said she got very angry at this tumor.  One spot was behind the breast plate.  Without breaking through and removing some of the breast plate, she had to leave microscopic cells in there.  The other 2 places were a spot the trachea and a spot on the voice box.  Had she been able to remove everything else near / underneath the collar bone, she would have taken the trachea & voice box.  Because she had to leave in some of the cells, she decided to leave him with the ability to speak.

Now.... that wasn't great news.
OK...... it was not at ALL what we wanted.

So.  Good news.  He will still get chemo and radiation to try to get rid of these microscopic cells.  Actually, she left in 3 metal pins at these areas so that Dr. Chronowski (radiation oncologist) can find them & hit them hard during radiation.  She did say that she felt like his tumor did react to the chemo that he received a couple of weeks ago.  It might have gotten a little smaller, but it certainly prevented it from growing.  So that is great news.  There are still things that we have questions about, but we do know that the plan is still the same.  Heal for 6 weeks.  Start chemo & radiation.

So, there is it.  For now, we are concentrating on making him comfortable.  He is in pain.  Not the neck, but the chest is killing him.  They did finally get him on a pump.  He can hit the button every 8 minutes if he needs it.  He is eating well.  Considering everything they did in there yesterday, all doctors are very impressed with that fact.  But that's about it for now.

Again.... the love, prayers & kindness we have been shown....  I am in awe.
Thank you so very much!!!!!!

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!
Jess

A Hard Day's Night

Well, he has the first night under his belt.  It wasn't a good one.  He really didn't sleep.  He is in much pain.  His neck doesn't hurt because he hasn't had feeling there for 2 years.  The first surgery took care of that.  But his chest is killing him.  They didn't really have him on much for pain through the night.  First thing this morning, the doctor said they'd get him a morphine pump.  That was two & a half hours ago.  This wife is about to start complaining.

I will update with a more lengthy post this evening.  For now, I'd like to end with a link that my wonderful friend Stephanie created for us.  Many have asked about meals.  She created a link to this site for us.  This will help keep it all organized.  Thank you Steph & thank you to everyone for all the love & support!!!!!

visit http://www.carecalendar.org/index.php?cid=182193 and enter
the following information in the appropriate spaces:

     Calendar ID   :   182193
     Security code :   4644

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!

Time for Nite Nite

He is officially in his room.  I ordered him some dinner.  He's starting with some soft stuff....  potato soup and 3 scoops of ice cream.  And after that I'm hoping he gets some sleep.  His blood pressure is a little elevated, but that's likely due to pain.  Some rest should help with that.  Thank you to ALL of the prayers that were surrounding him today.  I know many of you were hoping to visit today.  As thankful as I am for the love and support, I greatly appreciate your understanding that today was a really chaotic day.  I mean.... 9 hours of surgery?!  WHAT?!!??  I've said it from the day I started dating him.  He's the strongest man I've ever met.  He is a super hero to our boys.  And I am in awe of how awake he is after everything his body has been through today.

Sure, there's tons of things we've learned from the doctors.  But he would like to share that news at some point himself when he's ready to start typing again.  For now, he needs rest.  To all of you texting me today, I hope you don't think that I was short or rude or ignoring anyone.  I love you all.  I appreciate the concern for him and myself.  It was just easier to say it all once & send people here.

Now... to wrap up this day, I'd like to share what we were up to at the beginning of the weekend.  Debra, my brother's wife, arranged for a family portrait session with her friend this past Friday as a gift to my mom for Mother's Day.

So despite the tornado like weather we drove through to get there, Purple Pear Photography was able to make it look like a beautiful day!!!!  AND we have beautiful pictures of our fantastic 4.

I will try to post more or maybe let him dictate or type soon.  In the meantime, I'll try to be better about checking the phone.

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!
Jess

Be faithful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer ~Romans 12:12