The Final Hours

DISCLAIMER:  I ask that you not tell all of the gory details to your kids.  Mine don't know EVERYTHING!  They know what they need to.  I'd prefer that some of this isn't told to them by a friend at school because they assume that my boys already know.  They know A LOT.  Way more than a 9 and 11 year old should have to.  I just ask that you keep it to yourselves.  So, here it goes.....

Bryce had a way about him that drew you in.  You wanted him to laugh at your jokes.  You wanted to hear what he had to say.  And when he wrote, you were right there with him.  I know that I hung on every word he said in this forum.  I'm going to write the last post in hopes that it's only half as good as he would have done.

This blog of his was meant for him to be able to get the news out there to our friends and family.  It was meant to chronicle what he was feeling physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.  Somewhat of a reference for him to look back on if he had to do any of it over again; and he certainly did.  It was a wonderful combination of  Bryce and the medical reality we heard at the doctors offices.  He conveyed everything so well here, because he didn't really like to talk about it face to face.  And last, but not least, it was for his boys.  He wanted them to know that he tried.  He wanted them to be able to see one day that Daddy did everything he could and never gave up.

With that said, I feel like I owe it to Bryce, Bowen and AJ to put down what actually happened.  and I need to do it before I start forgetting.  Saturday was the 3 month anniversary of his final flight.

Many of you may have seen my blog post that said "I don't want to talk about it."  Bryce had an appointment that day to go over the results of his latest scan.  I had been at work that morning.  As you all know, Bryce was under 24 hour surveillance.  His parents came over to be with him all day while I was at work.  His mom drove him to the doctor's office for the results and I met them there.  It was, of course, not the news we wanted.  The tumor had grown and they were taking him off of the trial.  I started yapping about the next steps.  The next clinical trial out there.  The next hit of chemo he could get while he was being qualified for the next trial.  We were all crying a little bit, but what scared me the most was the look on Bryce's face.  He was done.  He would continue to fight.  I know that he wasn't giving up.  He was just so tired of having to make these decisions.

They went home and I went back to work for just a little bit before I was going to be eating crawfish with co-workers.  Bryce and Jerrie were going to my house to have some visitors.  Bryce's Uncle Alan and Alan's two daughters, Shari and Kari were popping in to say hello to them.  Alan is Jerrie's brother in law, married to Carol, Jerrie's sister.  We lost Carol to cancer recently, too.  We actually hadn't seen them since her service.  Anyhow, they were visiting in the living room when Bryce got up to go to the bathroom to clear his trachea.  He was doing this more and more.  The tumor had started eating away at his trachea.  The drainage was something he had to clear often.  He wore bandages on his neck to catch it there too.  The tumor was just always putting stuff out.  He started coughing up blood.

One of the cousins called me and told me to get home.  Meanwhile, Gary had gone to the end of the street to get AJ off of the bus (Bowen went home with a friend that day).  When they walked in, Kari whisked AJ away to his room immediately.  The bleeding couldn't be stopped.  At one point, Jerrie looked at him and said "There's nothing I can do.  There's nowhere to stop the bleeding."  He comforted her and said "I know.  It's OK."

911 was called and arrived in 3 minutes.  Bryce was still talking when they got there.  The bleeding was awful.  It was clear that the tumor had ruptured his carotid artery.  Life Flight was called immediately because they can give pints of blood.  But it didn't matter.  They got Bryce to lay on the bed.  Very soon thereafter, he laid his head back and closed his eyes.  EMS worked very hard on him, but there's nothing that will save you when the carotid ruptures.  It wouldn't have mattered if he was in the ER.  And it's exactly what Dr. P had warned us about when this tumor showed up.

He and Jerrie took the flight to the hospital.  I pulled up to my street as they were taking off.  I walked into a CSI scene in my bedroom.  I handed EMS his paperwork.  My friend drove me and Gary to the hospital.  Jerrie called and said that he was gone.

That is it.  Those are the technical details of what happened in his final hours.  I will write a little bit later today about the emotional stuff & what happened on my end and in the days to follow.  As for Bryce's blog.... I think this is it.

Dear Bowen and AJ,

Thank you, Bryce, for our love adventure

This was all for you guys.  Daddy showed you what strength and determination look like.  He showed you what laughing in the face of adversity looked like.  But mostly, he loves you so, SO much!!  One day, when the time is right, you can read everything that he has here.  Until then, we'll continue to tell Daddy stories, laugh and cry together, and I'll love you as fiercely as he does.  Actually, I'll double it.  I'll love you for both myself and Daddy.
I love you,
Mommy