The dates are set!

My mask from last year

So this week was fairly quiet on the cancer front, but not without some important happenings.  Jessica had one request of me last week and that was to not schedule any appointments on Wednesday as she had a hair appointment and would not be able to go with me.  Apparently I don't ask the right questions nor do I relay any information back to her in the rare instances that she is not with me.  That's probably a fair assessment.  Can you guess what day I scheduled every appointment this week?  Yep!  Wednesday.  4 appointments.  You're welcome, wifey!  It actually turned in to a huge debacle, but we all made it through relatively unscathed with Jessica's hair being the only casualty.  The big accomplishment is that I went through the radiation simulation and we are now officially on the books.  The simulation is a rather unpleasant process wherein I lay mostly unclothed on my back in a room on a machine that I am guessing is a CT scanner or something very similar.  A large gathering of people perform various operations throughout the process which basically is setting my position and target areas for the radiation.  All of them are people that I know from last summer and they all expressed their sympathy for my situation and their regrets that our reunion is due to my latest battle with recurrence.  They had to make me a new mask and this is the most unpleasant part of the simulation.  For those unfamiliar, the mask is used to hold me down to the table in the same position each time I receive the radiation treatment.  It is hard plastic and is molded around my head neck and shoulders and formed during my simulation.  It starts out as a flat sheet of perforated plastic that is heated in a water bath to make it soft and pliable.  The flat sheet is then placed over me and pressed down and locked into the table.  This time around, it was a bit more unpleasant because it seemed to have a lot more water on it than I remember and it holds me to the table very tightly.  Water was dripping down my nose and into my eyes and that, coupled with the fact that I can't move and have a mouthpiece in my mouth made me very uncomfortable.  Luckily, this time it did not last near as long as the last time.  I probably wouldn't have been able to hold out much longer, but I managed to remain calm the entire time.  I have yet to have an overwhelming claustrophobic moment, and hopefully that trend continues.  It is a very helpless feeling to have my arms restrained and my upper body immobilized in the manner in which it has to be for the treatments.  I left the simulation with my full schedule of treatments.  I start on the 10th of June and will finish on July 25th.  Radiation will be every weekday in that time frame sans July 4th.  Let's get this party started.
My official schedule for the day was bloodwork, followed by medical oncologist, followed by simulation, followed by meeting with surgeon.  I was told to see the surgeon prior to the simulation because they were to take my stitches out before I did the simulation.  I went there early in anticipation of some type of ordeal, and there definitely was one to be had.  I got my blood drawn and then went and waited to get in to see the stitch removers.  They weren't there yet, but they were kind enough to call and tell the ladies to NOT let me leave to go see the medical oncologist because I had to have my stitches removed and the simulation performed as there were no more time slot  available for me to get that in.  So I got to sit there and wait and play some Sudoku.  When my official stitch removal specialist arrived she brought with her the wonderful news that i would also be having a scope performed after the stitches came out.  Outstanding!  I do love a good scoping.  Again, for those unfamiliar, my scopings involve me, some lidocain and a long tubular shaped camera.  The lidocain is sprayed in each nostril while I breathe in deeply and helps to numb the pathways about to be probed.  The camera then gets to travel up my nose and head to it's final destination somewhere in my throat.  It's that magical place where I can do nothing but gag uncontrollably and tear up while the doctor calmly dictates commands for me to follow.  I have grown used to these and have worked up certain ways to try to control my reactions, but sometimes they sneak up on me.  Everything was in good working order and aside from some swelling all appeared normal.

The finish last summer

Once I was finished with the simulation and stitch removal, I ran upstairs to try to get in and see the medical oncologist for my last appointment.  I waited a bit, but he was able to see me late in the day and go over the plan.  They are giving me the same chemotherapy drug that I received last summer, Cisplatin.  This was a bit of a surprise as the last conversation with him, he told me that he would likely use a different cocktail.  The reasoning behind it sounds solid.  They talked it over and decided that what we did last summer worked.  I had active cancer cells in the left side of my neck and the combination of chemo and radiation took care of that.  This recurrence was outside of the main radiation field and received very little, if any radiation.  With my type of cancer, radiation is the primary fighting agent with the chemo used as a supplemental treatment that has been shown to intensify the effects of radiation.  We consider what happened last summer a successful treatment and therefore we will go ahead with the exact same course of action this time around, just in a different location.  I will receive the chemotherapy once a week, this time on Tuesdays.  As with radiation, I will begin on the 10th of June.  Again, let's get this party started!

A quickening.

Today was a GREAT day.  Something that I was in dire need of and a nice surprise after so many days of conjecture, unknowns and anxiety.  Don't get me wrong, there are still many unknowns, conjecture and anxiety to be had, but today I got a lot of questions answered and I feel A LOT more optimistic about my plight.  It began early at MD Anderson in the medical center, where by 9 am my catheter drains had been removed and I had a brand new, untethered lease on life!  The neck one was no sweat, but the two in my chest definitely turned my stomach a bit.  There is just something about feeling movement inside the left side of my chest when they are pulling something out of the right side of my body that gets my stomach churning.  They didn't take the stitches out around the transplanted flap on my neck, but those should come out soon.  At the time, it was going to be about three weeks, but after talking with other doctors later, it will be much sooner than that.  Having the drains out feels like such an emotional and physical lift for me, I probably can't adequately describe it.  A funny little story to come out of that was luckily not witnessed by anyone but me, so I was able to walk out of there like nothing happened.  As Jessica and the PA who removed my drains sat in the room going over my medication list, I put my shirt back on and attempted to stand up from the exam table to get my water and get ready to leave.  As soon as I stood I felt my stomach go a little sideways and I immediately lost my balance and would have fallen, had I not turned very quickly and grabbed the exam table.  I apparently didn't make too much of a commotion because neither of them heard or saw anything.  As we walked out of the reconstructive surgery department I laughingly told Jessica about my near miss in the exam room and it was decided that we should go grab some breakfast on the way home.  Whataburger Taquitos are the best thing ever!!
Some quick backstory: while at lunch yesterday, Jessica and I talked about serious stuff that is tough to talk about but necessary at times when dealing with something of the magnitude that we have in front of us.  She asked me if I thought that this was truly it and that if I believed that I was dying.  I basically told her what I really believe in my mind: yes, I do.  I told her I would consider myself VERY lucky if i ever saw my 40th birthday (that is 3.5 years away).  That is not at all to say that I don't have hope that I would live longer than that, I have much hope that I would live much longer than that, but she asked a direct question and I gave her an honest answer.  We talked about various other things mainly whether or not we should sell our house and move, uproot the kids and the like that would come with a pretty substantial life changing move.  It was a good, lively chat to have over lunch with some useful decisions being made as a result.
Now we can fast forward to this afternoon when I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Gregory Chronowski.  I like him a lot, he is very informative and knowledgeable and I find it very easy to talk with him and he will answer whatever I ask to the best of his abilities.  Jessica and I asked him a variety of questions, mine more had to do with the mechanics behind the spread of squamous cell carcinoma of the tongue in people my age, but also options should recurrence #4 occur, should it spread to the lungs, etc.  Also included were yearly life estimates/expectations with various best/worst case scenarios and situations.  We also went over the plans for me this time and what I could expect and the high risk areas and overall big risks with what we are about to try to accomplish.  We know this: I will receive a heavy dose of radiation to the area affected in the most recent surgery and where the most recent tumors were located.  He is unsure whether he will treat me more comprehensively and also hit the right hand side of my neck with significant radiation in an effort to "pre-treat" the area and possibly prevent a recurrence.  There are additional risks associated with this and he is going to present my case again to their multi-disciplinary "tumor board" next week and see what the team of doctors think would be the best course of action.  It was great to hear his plan and hear how aggressively, but also carefully he plans to be with regards to areas of my body that have been radiated previously.  There apparently is a huge jump in severity and possibility of permanent side effects in radiating previously radiated parts of the body.  The overall outcome of the visit was positively awesome with his position truly being that he believes my cancer to be fully treatable and (surprising to me) fully curable, even at this point.  I believe he used the phrase cautiously optimistic, but he was very positive in his expected outcome and it was refreshing to hear.  My surgeon also popped in while I was talking with him and she had a couple of questions for me in addition to just wanting to check in on me and say hi.  I like her a lot too, and I feel like they are both operating with my best interests in mind but also with the overall goal of curing me of this disease but also leaving me with as good of a quality of life as possible.  Dr. Chronowski also wants to get this party started as soon as possible and the plan that we left with today is that I am going to go in for my simulation next week and I will start radiation on the 2nd of June.  That is just 3 weeks post-op, but he feels confident that my body will be ready and so does Dr. Pytynia (my surgeon), so I say lets do it!  I am all for getting this thing started and finished as soon as possible so I can get on with my life.  It will still be 6 weeks long with concurrent chemotherapy, but I will finish in mid July!  I like this plan a lot and am ready to get it started.  While I am sure the road ahead will be rough, I am now much more ready to face it head on and fight with everything I have.  With that I think it is time to call it a night, but I should reiterate: it was a GREAT day.

Drains are pure evil!

As the title of this post might foreshadow, I absolutely hate the catheter drains that are left in after surgery to allow fluid to drain outside the body instead of collecting inside with nowhere to go.  They serve a vital role in recovery and I fully recognize that, but it does not change my opinion of them.  I currently have 3 15 inch drains in my body that are just a pleasure to deal with.  One goes in my neck on the left side and snake through my body somewhere, I can't exactly tell where it goes.  With prior neck dissections, the drains went in at the base of my neck and went up to my ear and I could physically underneath my skin.  These drains go somewhere that I can't feel and probably don't want to know.  I will definitely feel where they go when I get them pulled out.  That is the other thing about drains, the dread that comes with knowing I want them out but then also knowing the horrible feeling that comes with having them removed.  It is not a very intricate procedure.  They are currently held in with some sutures at the immediate area where they emerge from my body.  One in the upper left neck and two right next to each other just underneath my right armpit.  The procedure is to simply remove the stitches holding it in place and yank on it until it comes out.  15 inches later, the drains are out and life goes on.  The first time I had some removed, I passed out and they were in the process of trying to resuscitate me when I awoke, dazed but alive.  The next time, I didn't have any issues, so I hope that tomorrow goes like that.  Bottom line, I want them out and will endure whatever I have to to experience the relief that comes with that wonderfully awesome occurrence.
Today was a turn the corner kind of a day.  I woke up and felt really good this morning.  My pain is well under control with just one pain pill every 6 hours or so and I probably don't even need it that often, I am just fearful of not staying ahead of it and it becoming a big issue.  My condition today versus one week ago are worlds apart.  The day started with a  the usual pill barrage, a shower (made ever so difficult by the fact that I have three drains to contend with as mentioned above), some bulb drainage and finished off with ointment application to all my stitched areas.  At this point, I am very Frankensteinesque in my neck/chest region and I would imagine a bit of a shock to see for the everyday person.  I have a pectoral muscle that has been surgically disconnected from my chest and reattached somewhere in my neck (hopefully they can tell me what it is attached to tomorrow), a decent size piece of pasty white skin that was removed from my right chest that was grafted over the skin void created at the base of my neck during surgery, and numerous stitch lines crisscrossing the entire area.  Probably not what Costco shoppers want to or expect to see in their daily shopping venture to the glorious warehouse chain.  With that, i transition into today's official activity: a trip to Costco to pick up some household supplies.  We went ahead and covered up the worst of the visuals with a gauze pad and off we went.  It was a good feeling to get out of the house, but I definitely know that I am still extremely limited in what I can do at this point.  A thirty minute trip to the store is about all I have in me right now, but I continue to grow stronger.  The moved muscle intrigues me but is also is a source of much of my mental struggles these days.  I can still trigger a muscle response from it, but man does that feel weird!  If I really got after it and tried to use that muscle like a used to, could I separate it from wherever it is now connected?  I can't imagine that would feel very good and would probably cause some major problems, so I don't plan on giving it a try.  Came back home after some lunch and had some quality recliner/bed time through the afternoon and still feel fairly well.  I imagine I will sleep very well tonight.  I have been getting some good sleep and only waking up once during the night, mainly to get out of bed to go to the bathroom.  I drink a lot of water during the day and it provides much in the way of a need to evacuate.  I also think it helps me in every way.  Along with all the juicing that I am doing.  I can really feel a difference after I drink a good hearty vegetable juice and I am doing that twice a day and I believe that helps me immensely as well.
Nothing very profound today, just a glimpse into the activities of the day here at Stobb manor.    Tonight will be dinner followed my showers and bedtimes for all with some hockey and baseball sprinkled in for good measure.  Tomorrow I should have some juicier stuff to share as I have three appointments and will get to talk to a couple of my doctors.

Out of the darkness...into the light?

Greetings from the other side!!  As I type this, I am finally in a state of mind where I can string together more than one conscious thought at a time and I think I can make enough sense now to start posting again.  I will warn you, however, that the flow of thoughts in this post might be somewhat disjointed with a decent amount of randomness thrown in as my mind is still not back to 100% and I am still taking a pretty decent amount of pain killers.
I can honestly say that the previous week was, without a doubt, the worst week of my life.  Starting with the surgery that didn't go as well as I had hoped through the never-ending physical pain and emotional anguish experienced while I was at the hospital to the excruciating 2 hour drive home to Katy from the medical center in rush hour, I feel like I need a break from it all.  I think I even told Jessica that, I just want to run away from everything.  My will to survive, however, keeps me here fighting through every new twist and turn in the road and hopefully there are many more roads to be traveled ahead of me because I feel as though I have a lot left in me.  I very much hope that is the case.  Funny thing how all these bumps in the road leave me with an appreciation of the small things.  Hearing my boys giggle in their rooms at night after going to bed, seeing their excitement in the morning when we tell them they can ride their bikes to school and jut being here when they get home from school and settle in to the normal weekday routine, it makes me happier right now to be a part of this everyday than I could have ever imagined.  This is probably too much information, but just the simple act of urination which was performed mindlessly a week ago has taken on a whole new level of difficulty that I have not previously experienced.  I think I made some breakthroughs last night, so I believe that the worst of it is behind me so I can start building from here.
My take on my stay in the hospital: it sucked and I did not sleep at all.  It was a level of sleep deprivation that I have never experienced...the first night it was because of the pain, the second night because I couldn't evacuate my bladder and the third mainly because the stupid bed never stops moving.  THAT was annoying.  Once I got through the first night, I though to myself that things could not get any worse so I could start trending upward, but little did I know that things could indeed get worse and very much did so.  It is hard to describe the feelings of being so exhausted and frustrated and afraid of something that I feel the need to stand and argue with the nurse over what she wants to do versus what I absolutely don't want to do but in the end, I acquiesce and go through with it just in hopes that I could get some sleep.  Anyway, I made it through what has been, to this point, the worst of it and am now relaxing at home trying to recover as best I can.  I hate the drains, but they are a necessary evil at this point and I just have to deal with them and hopefully they will come out Thursday.

A photo from a better time...

There are so many questions, thoughts and concerns that are swirling through my ever clearing mind, but all that can wait until I am physically able to face all of that.  Right now, it's a lot of exhaustion and laying in bed.  Jessica has been incredible through it all as she is the one who has to deal with stripping and emptying my drains, making sure I take my numerous medications and she stays on top of my wound care in a way I know I never would.  I will never be able to thank her enough or show her how much I appreciate what she is doing for me.  Many thanks also to everyone out there who has taken time to wish me well, or come by the hospital or the house, or sent a card or just simply sat down and prayed or sent good thoughts my way.  I thank you immensely, you all bring ever increasing glimmers of hope to a person who otherwise was losing it all with every passing day.

Lay Man's Terms

Well, I've been saying that I would explain what actually happened to Bryce in lay man's terms.  Because some people didn't realize the magnitude of his surgery.  Then there's me who thought it was going to be WAY worse.  Either way, I think he looks wonderful!!!!  So here we go.....

When they started the surgery, the head & neck surgeon opened him up, she went along the scar on the neck a little bit.  But she also made a hole at the base of his neck that went towards the chest.  We thought it would be the size of a hand.  Nope..... half the size of my palm is IT!

Phase 2:  Get cancer out.  See previous post Here's the Deal for the details on that.  They removed the thyroid.  I know I told you all that news.  Did I mention that there are 4 parathyroid glands too?  She actually put one of those back in.

Phase 3:  Enter the plastic surgeons!!!  They made an incision down the right pectoral muscle towards his side.  They took the pec muscle and flipped it up inside of his body to lay inside of his neck where the hole was left the from head & neck team.

Phase 4:  This creates loose skin on the pec now.  So they took skin from the pec for the skin graft for his neck.  

Phase 5:  Put in drains & stitch him up.  He has 2 drains in the same site just below his right arm pit.  And they stitched his pec back up.  The stitches in the neck are around the graft and a little bit on each side going along the old scar.  And they put one drain in the neck.

Yeah..... he feels like he's been hit by a bus.  But the pain does get better every day.  He gets up & moving around for longer every day too.  On the other hand, he hates the drains.  HATES!  With a passion that burns like a thousand suns.  He hates them.  I think he'll feel WAY better once those are gone.  I'm going to start petitioning for that tomorrow.

For now, he's on TONS of calcium & various things while the parathyroid tries to kick back into gear.  He'll go in for bloodwork so that they can adjust levels of his intake.  That's when the petition will start.

I'm going to go for now.  Again..... the love & support is truly amazing!!!!  We've had wonderful visitors.  My Austin BFF, Leslye, is here right now making us dinner.  I put her to work tearing our my microwave that was busted.  Then neighbor, Jennie from the Block, pops in and says "Uh Uh.... I'm sending my dad."  So in walks Poppy to remove my microwave THEN HAND US THEIRS!!!!!!  WHAT?!??!!!!!  We have such good friends!!!!!  I love you ALL!!!!!  Keep the prayers coming!  Keep praying that he'll BStrong through this!!!

Pray! Fight!! Win!!!

BStrong

Jess

Bustin' Outta This Joint

It's official.... we're blowin' this popsicle stand!  One of the doctors on the head amd neck surgical team just came by {yeah. at 6. every morning before 6:30} to check on Bryce & said he's good to go!  It probably will not happen until sometime between 10 and noon.  So Bryce has gone back to sleep.

I'll update when I have him settled in at home.  I imagine I'll be loasinf the car & doting on him the majority of the morning.

So his sister, Kristina, thought of something cool while she was jogging the other day.  She sent me a text & finished with "BStrong"  I love it!  Many people sometimes refer to him as B.  And today is the day the fighting begins.  No more nurses to lean on.  No more nurse assistants changing his sheets and his hospital gown.  It's up to him to BStrong.

Pray! Fight!! Win!!!
And BStrong!
Jess

Clear as Mud

Clear as mud.  A phrase I grew up with.  And exactly how my brain feels today.
Bryce is resting NOW.  But to be honest, last night was awful.  He hasn't slept for a couple of nights.  And really didn't sleep much the night before surgery either.  I mean.... we had to wake up at 3 to get here on time.

You probably don't need to hear the level of certain chemicals or whatever that bodies produce.  And I'm not so sure anyone cares about his blood pressure.  Additionally, I'm not going to betray his privacy.  I feel quite sure that you don't need the minutia of health/physical issues that occur after surgery.  But I feel like it's all coming together this this morning.  As of 9:00 this morning {to be precise} I feel like he turned the corner.  Pain is regulated.  Physical ailments are lessening.

Next up:  Rest & keeping his mind right.
When a man is exhausted, his mind goes bonkers.  I think he hit bonkers last night.  I might be there right now.  If you see me licking windows, just ask me to take a nap.  When I have a little more energy & I feel like I can say my big girl words, I'm going to post about his actual surgery.  Things I hadn't understood until I actually saw Bryce for the first time.

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!
Jess

Here's the Deal....

There's a funny thing that happens when people love you.  They ask questions.  You know.... the hard hitting ones.  The questions that you can't lie about.  The ones you can't avoid.  The questions that actually reveal the truth of the situation.  It was a good news/bad news situation.  So to help break the news, I'm going to insert randomness that helps make everyone smile.  Dr. Pytynia, the head & neck surgeon came out after her portion of the surgery was finished to talk to the family (myself, Bryce's parents & my mom) to let us know that she did all that she could, but some of the squamous cells could not be removed by surgery.

She did not get clear margins on 3 areas.  She was visually upset when breaking the news to us & said she got very angry at this tumor.  One spot was behind the breast plate.  Without breaking through and removing some of the breast plate, she had to leave microscopic cells in there.  The other 2 places were a spot the trachea and a spot on the voice box.  Had she been able to remove everything else near / underneath the collar bone, she would have taken the trachea & voice box.  Because she had to leave in some of the cells, she decided to leave him with the ability to speak.

Now.... that wasn't great news.
OK...... it was not at ALL what we wanted.

So.  Good news.  He will still get chemo and radiation to try to get rid of these microscopic cells.  Actually, she left in 3 metal pins at these areas so that Dr. Chronowski (radiation oncologist) can find them & hit them hard during radiation.  She did say that she felt like his tumor did react to the chemo that he received a couple of weeks ago.  It might have gotten a little smaller, but it certainly prevented it from growing.  So that is great news.  There are still things that we have questions about, but we do know that the plan is still the same.  Heal for 6 weeks.  Start chemo & radiation.

So, there is it.  For now, we are concentrating on making him comfortable.  He is in pain.  Not the neck, but the chest is killing him.  They did finally get him on a pump.  He can hit the button every 8 minutes if he needs it.  He is eating well.  Considering everything they did in there yesterday, all doctors are very impressed with that fact.  But that's about it for now.

Again.... the love, prayers & kindness we have been shown....  I am in awe.
Thank you so very much!!!!!!

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!
Jess

A Hard Day's Night

Well, he has the first night under his belt.  It wasn't a good one.  He really didn't sleep.  He is in much pain.  His neck doesn't hurt because he hasn't had feeling there for 2 years.  The first surgery took care of that.  But his chest is killing him.  They didn't really have him on much for pain through the night.  First thing this morning, the doctor said they'd get him a morphine pump.  That was two & a half hours ago.  This wife is about to start complaining.

I will update with a more lengthy post this evening.  For now, I'd like to end with a link that my wonderful friend Stephanie created for us.  Many have asked about meals.  She created a link to this site for us.  This will help keep it all organized.  Thank you Steph & thank you to everyone for all the love & support!!!!!

visit http://www.carecalendar.org/index.php?cid=182193 and enter
the following information in the appropriate spaces:

     Calendar ID   :   182193
     Security code :   4644

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!

Time for Nite Nite

He is officially in his room.  I ordered him some dinner.  He's starting with some soft stuff....  potato soup and 3 scoops of ice cream.  And after that I'm hoping he gets some sleep.  His blood pressure is a little elevated, but that's likely due to pain.  Some rest should help with that.  Thank you to ALL of the prayers that were surrounding him today.  I know many of you were hoping to visit today.  As thankful as I am for the love and support, I greatly appreciate your understanding that today was a really chaotic day.  I mean.... 9 hours of surgery?!  WHAT?!!??  I've said it from the day I started dating him.  He's the strongest man I've ever met.  He is a super hero to our boys.  And I am in awe of how awake he is after everything his body has been through today.

Sure, there's tons of things we've learned from the doctors.  But he would like to share that news at some point himself when he's ready to start typing again.  For now, he needs rest.  To all of you texting me today, I hope you don't think that I was short or rude or ignoring anyone.  I love you all.  I appreciate the concern for him and myself.  It was just easier to say it all once & send people here.

Now... to wrap up this day, I'd like to share what we were up to at the beginning of the weekend.  Debra, my brother's wife, arranged for a family portrait session with her friend this past Friday as a gift to my mom for Mother's Day.

So despite the tornado like weather we drove through to get there, Purple Pear Photography was able to make it look like a beautiful day!!!!  AND we have beautiful pictures of our fantastic 4.

I will try to post more or maybe let him dictate or type soon.  In the meantime, I'll try to be better about checking the phone.

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!
Jess

Be faithful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer ~Romans 12:12

Headed to Recovery

Surgery is finished.  The plastic surgeon came out and said that he did very well for the whole thing.  9 hours from the start time, he is headed to recovery.  Anesthesia is trying to wake him up.  I am anxious to get back there and see him.  I'll only get to be with him for 15 minutes.  I'll post again with more news later this evening.  Hopefully, things start happening & I'll be gathering our belongings to go to where he'll be sleeping.

2:00 Update

Sorry for the delay in this one, I might have lost it for a minute.  The head & neck surgeon is still working on him.  She is trying to get clear margins on the clavicle.  There was the giant tumor that was around the thyroid.  And there was one half the size just behind the right collar bone.  Did they already get all of it out around the thyroid?  What have they done around or with the airway?  I'm not sure about any of this.  The nurse liaison wasn't sure.  She also isn't sure when this surgeon could estimate being finished & letting plastics take over.  I'll get another update at 4.

PRAY! FIGHT!! WIN!!!

Noon Update

He's doing well.  They have finished taking away the skin that needs to be removed.  They have gotten to the point they have clear margins on that.  They are starting the process of removing the thyroid.  More news at 2.

PRAY! FIGHT! WIN!

Jessica Here.....

Good Morning Everyone!!!  This is Jessica.  It's my first blog post EVER!  I'm a guest here.  This is a great tool for Bryce to get out what is on his mind, but it's also been a very useful tool to keep our friends and family informed.  And I hear there is a way to subscribe to this blog so that you know when there is a post.  I'm not sure how you do that, but it is a real thing.

SOOOOoooooo.....  this morning, I'd like to thank a few people for things and make sure this works.  And by works, I mean that I need to make sure I know what I'm doing.  So if you read this, leave a comment so that I know you're there.  Actually, anytime you read these posts, comment!!!  I know that I read them!  I love hearing from you guys!

I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone.  We get offers for food and help with the boys and SO many more things.  I'm not sure how much we can thank everyone.

Joe & Joann -AKA: Mom & Dad- I have so many things to be thankful for.  The yard work, the cleaning of my house so that Bryce can be comfortable when we get home, the child care this week (and all of those other times!!!).  I love you so much.  And thank you will never cover my gratitude.  Thanks Mom and Dad

Jerrie & Gary -AKA: In.laws- You have provided us with so much support and love.  I feel closer to you now because of all of this cancer stuff.  Thank you for so many things.... our fancy bed, taking the boys this weekend for their cousins birthday party (and all of those other times you take them too) , for the dinners & lunches while Bryce has been living and working in another city, the house he gets to sleep in.  This list could go on and on.  Thank you Jerrie & Gary

Jennifer -AKA: JSauce- You have provided us with so much help that the list is too long here.  But most recently, you let me bring you 2 little boys at FIVE FIFTEEN IN THE MORNING so that I could get Bryce to the med center by 6 for another CT scan.  Thanks HotSauce

Jennie -AKA: Jennie from the Branch- She is our neighbor and friend, has toted my boys around while we are taking care of business.  She's fed us meals and provided a get away from stress in their personal version of Shangri La when needed.  Thank you Jennie, Cy & Gabe.

Kristina -AKA: NeeNee- You always check in on us.  The offer to take care of Bryce after chemo was a big undertaking.  You had no idea that you would have to pick him up off the floor & drive him back home.  I know how scary that must have been for you.  But I'm beyond thankful that you were there for him.  I can't imagine what could have happened if you hadn't been.  Thank you Neen

Zakk -AKA: Brother from Another Mother- ok...... so we've never actually called you that, but you are like another brother to Bryce.  The quiet, yet solid, bond you and Bryce share may not be noticed by everyone.  However, it is one that I personally think is so special.  You have always gone out of your way to think of Bryce's needs or different things that he would like.  Thank you Zakk

Dave & Ginny -AKA: Stobb's California Division- I know that you can't physically be here during these times, but you have always done everything you can to help us with food and special gifts to entertain Bryce during recovery.  We all really enjoyed the video chat this weekend.  Thank you Dave & Ginny!!

JD & Debra -AKA: Little brother & SIL- Thank you for arranging the family pictures.  I knew I wanted to have family pictures done before this surgery.  I know Mom has wanted us to have them for so long too.  Thank you for arranging that.  I can't WAIT to see them!!!  :)

So here's a cool story....  Last night Bowen had his end of season soccer party.  The coach had sent an email to the parents asking that no one pitch in to get him a gift.  Instead, he took up a collection to give to us.  Both Coach Kevin & I cried.  It was such a wonderful & giving surprise.   There are so many things and people that I'm thankful for.  I'm sure I'm forgetting something or someone.  But things are starting to get cooking here in the waiting room.  He's already back there in surgery.  They pulled him back around 7.  The surgery will be between 5-10 hours.  I'm already looking forward to getting him home though.  I know he rests easier in his own bed.  And we got him all set up for when he arrives at home too.  The contractors are gone.  All rooms are painted.  The bathrooms are more beautiful AND FUNCTIONAL than they have ever been!!!!  There is now a TV set up in the room.  My Dad is letting the cable man in tomorrow to set him up for the summer.  My parents bought a DVD player for that TV so that he can watch the movies Dave & Ginny sent him.  He can really recover in his fancy adjustable bed with all of that in there.  He shouldn't have any need to get up for anything now!!!

THIS JUST IN!!!  

His surgery technically started at 8:27AM.  He is stable.  His head & neck surgeon is still working on him.  If I don't see her before noon, they will send the nurse liaison again at that time.  SO that's it!!!  More news at noon!!!!

PRAY! FIGHT! WIN!

Jess -AKA: 1st time blogger, long time reader, wife of 10+ years 

Pre-Surgery Meet-n-Greet!

CT Scan of the tumor

Today I had my final pre-surgery meeting with the surgeon who will be resecting the disease from my body.  It was a bit surprising in that she actually listened to me the last time with respect to me having some reservations about things that I didn't necessarily want her removing from my body.  The larynx and trachea were the primary subject of much of the discussion, but ultimately I let her know that she is free to take whatever she needs to in the battle against this aggressive infection.  As I told her, I choose the possibility of life over the guarantee of the ability to speak.  I don't like talking anyways.  That, and it would give Jessica the ability to blame my refusal to speak on a physical limitation versus me just being an asshole.  There is concern that it has infiltrated my trachea, so she wanted my consent to take portions of that if necessary.  Other than that, there is not much new to report.  Still going to lose the thyroid (and hopefully all of the cancer) and a decent amount of skin.  She thinks the plastic surgeons will do the pectoral flap after she does what she needs to, so likely I will be down one chest muscle.  So be it.  I think my new motto will be I choose the possibility of life.  It was reiterated that they have never seen this before, so they largely don't know what to expect.  The official plan is to assess the entire situation while I am unconscious on the table and they can probe and prod without any objections from me.

PET image of tumor (the bright thing)

The one thing that I am having a problem with is that fact that I will be put under anesthesia and will not know what happens to me until I wake up after surgery.  Something about that is frightening to me.  Even when I wake up, I will be all kinds of hopped up on the good stuff, so I imagine it won't sink in until later.  Ultimately it does not matter, I have given them permission to do whatever they need to and I want them to get it in its entirety.  I just don't like the thought of not knowing anything about what they are doing/did to me until I emerge from medically induced night-night.  She expects me to be in the hospital for a minimum of 3 days, but she was somewhat reassuring about my recovery time, but again, it depends on the extent of the surgery.  Hopefully within a week I will be functioning at a quasi-normal level, my goal will be to be up and moving in the hospital the day after surgery.  I have found in the past that the quicker I fight through the initial pain and physical limitations, the better I do overall.  The previous two surgeries I have been up and moving the day after surgery, so I feel this is an attainable goal.  After the initial recovery, it will likely be 6 weeks before I would start the chemoradiation treatments.  6 weeks of recovery followed by 6 weeks of radiation and chemo.  The fun is about to begin.

PET image with arrow pointing at second tumor

On the lighter side of things, I have been on a bucket list kick of sorts with foods that I want to eat before I have to check out of the normal eating game for a while.  Today was the MONTE CRISTO, an amazing culinary experience that involves a normal, everyday sandwich that is battered and deep fried to perfection, then dusted with powdered sugar and served with raspberry preserves for dipping and enough curly fries to serve a family of 4.  It was amazing and I am only able to eat about half of the sandwich.  It is such a beautifully gluttonous experience and I loved every minute of it.  Tomorrow I am going to get subway and meet the boys for lunch at school at their request and that should be a lovely experience.

Me and my sandwich!

In closing, I am set to get one last phone call from the surgeon on Monday.  She is going to discuss the surgery with various people now that she has my full consent to do what needs to be done and they can finish planning.  Come Monday morning I have an early morning CT scan and an appointment with anesthesia and then my appointments are finished.  Tuesday morning it will be another early morning arrival to MD Anderson in the medical center and then a 6 to 10 hour surgery.  3 hours for the ENT surgeon and the remainder for the cleanup operation.  At this point, I can only hope that all goes well and that everything goes better than expected and I come out on the other side with minimal permanent effects.  Time will tell, but it should be a hell of a ride in the coming days.

Head wound coming!

...so off I went to stay with my sister in Dripping Springs, just to stay with someone should there be any issues.  I did not expect there to be any, I had chemo before and worked basically through the whole process.  No big deal.  I perhaps should have respected the seriousness of my situation and what my body has gone through and what they have done to me recently.  I went to work on Tuesday and worked all day.  I felt OK, but I did begin to deteriorate as the day wore on and by the time I got to my sisters house after work I did not feel good.  Flu-like symptoms is the best way I can describe it.  Full body aches, light headed, my bones did hurt by this point and just a general malaise about my being that made me not feel quite right.  I did manage to eat dinner with them, albeit cast out like a leper sitting alone at the bar counter top (JUST KIDDING NEEN!).  After dinner I set up my pillows in a spot on their couch and prepared to settle in for the evening.  I wanted only to sleep.  Sleep deeply and uninterrupted for the entire night so that I would wake up feeling fresh and rejuvenated and ready to face the new day at hand.  That is not what happened at all.  I slept intermittently until about 12:30 am, at which point I decided to get up and head off to the bathroom and then take another pain pill before settling back in to the couch for the rest of the night.  I got through half of that scenario with no problem until I found myself with a pain pill in my hand standing in the kitchen extremely disoriented and trying to figure out where a light switch was.  I remember opening the refrigerator to get some light to try to point me in the direction of a switch and then suddenly I was on the floor and there was no light anywhere around me.  I believe that to be fall #1 in the series to come.  I contemplated just staying there, but figured it would be better to somehow get back to the couch and it is extremely uncomfortable for me to lay flat with the pain I currently have and as a result of the two previous surgeries.  I think I was in the area in their house around the pantry and I don't remember exactly how I got up, but I did manage to get to my feet.  I worked my way over to their sink where I found my water cup and was going to attempt to fill it when fall #2 occurred and I grazed the front of my head on the counter top as I headed down to the floor this time.  I really had to work to get up at this point and I pulled myself up using the sink and tried to steady myself.  I realized that there was no possible way I was going to get myself anything to drink, and I still had the pain pill clutched in my hand so I simply threw it in my mouth and tried to swallow it.  By this point, I believe my sister had heard a number of crashes and was on the scene to investigate.  I don't remember the next series of events explicitly but this is what I am told happened next.  When she came out and saw me I was headed from their kitchen back into the living room and the couch where I was sleeping.  I walked straight into a wall and then fell directly backwards and the back of my head met their beautiful stained concrete floors.  It is at this point that my memories kick back up.  I can remember laying there and her being right next to me and a bit concerned that I had just fallen.  It was a loud enough impact and commotion that my two nieces woke up and came out to see what was going on.  Now the whole family was in on it!  We got me back up and on the couch, settled in amongst my pillows again and all I wanted was to go to sleep, but damn! did my head hurt.  Also there was a little bit of blood involved.  Luckily, the Vannoy household is no stranger to head wounds and they got me cleaned up (mostly) and a good sized bandage to cover the cut on my head.  

Winner: Concrete floor

It was at this point that I thought it might have been a little ambitious of me to try and work as much as possible in the two weeks between chemo round one and surgery number three.  I also convinced my sister that I was fine and that I didn't need to go to the hospital, a decision that I stand by even today.  I did eventually go to the hospital and even was admitted and stayed over night for observation, but at that moment I only thought about the extreme mess it would have caused and I knew I would rather go back and see my doctors first regardless.  So with another pain pill in me, a bandage on my head and a pillow to soak up the blood I attempted to once again drift off into peaceful slumber.  I do love my dear sister who spent the rest of the night waking me up every so often to check and make sure I was ok.  I know that she struggled mightily with the decision and wanted nothing more than to take me to the hospital immediately, but I very much thank her for respecting my wishes at the time.  I didn't sleep well at all the rest of the night, but I very greatly appreciate everything she did for me.  I feel very sorry that I brought my chemo-cancer circus into her house and interrupted their normal routine and that my nieces had to witness the chaos that this disease rains down upon those it chooses to afflict.  That is not something that I wanted for them to have to witness or think about or deal with at all.

All stapled up!

So now we had a new plan.  Kristina was going to drive me home and I was going to see the doctor.  She ended up driving me to La Grange and Jessica picked me up from there and off to the doctor we went.  We saw my medical oncologist, Dr. Jasani, who sent me over to Methodist West Emergency to get an MRI of my brain to rule out any neurological causes for my fall.  We arrived at about 2:30 PM at the ER.  I think I was admitted and in a hospital room at 11:30 PM.  They really rush through head injuries at the ER.  And apparently you have to tell EVERYBODY you come in contact with the events that led you to being at the ER down to the most insignificant detail.  I think I had to tell my entire medical history to no less than 30 people in that time period.  I also think that I have never been more tired in my entire life as I was that whole day.  I don't know why the guy who was emptying the sharps container in the room I was sitting in needed to know that I fell, had cancer, had two neck dissections and a partial glossectomy, received chemo the previous Friday, had radiation last year with concurrent chemo, have a recurrence of squamous cell carcinoma, have no other major medical issues, etc, but he asked and I told him.  I had quite a few tests conducted on me while at the hospital.  In the ER there was a CT of my head, followed by an MRI of my head.  The MRI machine is NOISY!  I had not had the pleasure of a head MRI up until that point.  It was also very confining, so those with claustrophobia issues, I would not recommend getting one of those.  Once I was admitted, the doctor decided he needed to do a neck CT and an ultrasound of the neck to check for arterial blood flow and/or obstructions.  A summary of the finding from all these tests: there is something growing uncontrollably in my neck and I have no tumor/swelling/bleeding/hemorrhaging in my brain.  Check!  I guess it felt somewhat reassuring to know that there was nothing in my brain that caused this recent episode but it is also a slap in the face that nothing else is wrong with me sans this extremely aggressive cancer that I can't seem to rid myself of.  It is a hard feeling to explain to people so I will just leave it at that.  This seems like a good place to break for now, there is more to follow but I feel I need to take a break.

The beginning of last week...

As I lay here in bed on this gorgeous Saturday afternoon with the windows open and a nice breeze flowing through the house, I feel like it is a good time to finally delve into the events that have occurred since the last time I wrote anything.  Things have not gone smoothly in the last week, to say the least.  I had chemo on Friday and then a week ago Saturday, I went to MD Anderson during the afternoon to get a shot that they told me would boost my white blood cell count so that I would be ready for surgery on the 13th.  I was informed as the shot was in my arm that the medicine would probably make my bones hurt.  That sounded fun and new and extremely exciting!  Sunday went by with no problems and then Monday was another all day excursion at MD Anderson meeting with more doctors.  I met with a doctor from Internal Medicine and his job was to clear me, in general health terms, for the surgery that they are about to perform on me.  I figured it would be OK when he opened with "Well, Mr. Stobb, you are the youngest patient I have seen in over a month...", so I figured he was used to seeing people in much more advanced stages of their lives.  What they want to be sure of is that my heart and main body systems can handle the stress of a lengthy surgery and that I am at a low risk level for having a heart attack on the table 8 hours into my surgery.  Everything about the internal workings of my body is great, sans the cancer.  I even found out that my cholesterol is not that bad these days.  That was a bit of a surprise considering my affinity for bacon-wrapped fried chicken, but a nice welcome bit of news nonetheless.  
By this point, I am starting to experience more pain similar to what I went through recovering from the last surgery and I am having to take something regularly to alleviate a lot of it.  It is primarily muscle pain in my head and neck and a lot in my left jaw that received a heavy dose of radiation.  Jessica and I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then shuffled off to our next appointment, Reconstructive Surgery.  A plastic surgeon will be involved in my surgery to reconstruct the neck to an extent that will be determined by how much the ENT surgeon must remove.  They said that the surgeons like to have Plastics involved to "clean up" after the fact.  I equated it to the ENT surgeon throwing a mortar in my neck and Plastics having to come in and fix it and I think they giggled.  Not sure that my sense of humor translates well in these types of situations, but I still try at times.  I also told him I didn't want to wake up with a huge set of fake boobs and I KNOW he at least chuckled at that.  There are three main options that they will do, listed in order of complexity.  A simple skin graft to cover the removed section of skin.  This would come from my chest or shoulder.  The next is a procedure that would somehow take one of my pectoral muscles in my chest and flip it over to cover the exposed surgical area.  Not exactly sure of the specifics on this one, other than it would be necessary if they need more of a muscular support structure in anticipation of the radiation exposure post surgery.  The third option is a free flap transplantation from my thigh to my neck, which would be the most involved and lengthy procedures (8-10 hours just for the reconstruction).  Along with increasing in complexity, each procedure also would have different hospital stay times.  I think the shortest amount of time I will be in the hospital will be 3-5 days, with more extensive surgery requiring a minimum of 7 days in.  All I have to do is sign my consent and let them slice and dice and on down the road we go!
After appointments it was back home to pick the kids up and grab a quick early dinner and then I was back off to Austin to work out the remainder of the week.  Or so I thought...(to be continued)