Dumb guy problems.

This is just a quick entry to complain about my two main problems, me being dumb is number one and my inability to eat is the second.  I am currently living in this world as the definition of the word dumb.  One of them, at least.  It continues to be very interesting going about daily activities with a complete inability to speak.  My current solution is to use an app on my phone and type anything I need to say and then either use the phone speaker or any one of the 12 bluetooth speakers that I have.  My favorite has to be using BROCK.  To those unfamiliar, BROCK is the 5th member or our tiny family.  He came into our lives almost one year ago and has brought immeasurable joy to not just the four of us, but to countless others that happen to cross paths with him.  You have probably guessed by now that BROCK is actually my suitcase-sized rolling bluetooth speaker officially named The Block Rocker.  Paired with my phone, I can be in my room and I can yell at the boys on the other side of the house.  When I was in the hospital, the default voice that my phone spoke in was an unbelievably dissatisfying voice that Jessica called Linda.  Very female and very much not what I wanted to sound like when I was trying to argue with the nurse.  And when things got really heated, I don't think my anger came through on the white board that I was trying to communicate with.  On the drive back to Lago Vista, as Jessica expertly chauffeured me towards home, I downloaded my new voice.  Officially it is called The Dark Lord, but it is now the voice that embodies all that is Bryce.  The downside to all of this technological communication is that it happens at the speed of texting.  By the time I have something typed out in a normal conversation, things have progressed four or five thoughts past where we were when I started typing.  Unless those involved patiently wait for the dumb guy to finish typing before continuing the conversation.  It is incredibly frustrating.  Frustration is my new go to emotion.  In the long run, I feel like this will help me as a person, especially with my patience...which was severely lacking to begin with.  SOME patience is way better than absolutely none at all.  Currently, I am learning to be an observer, interjecting myself when I need to and the situation demands it.
The second problem is one I struggle with every day.  I have been hungry since I woke up immediately after surgery.  These tube feeding just don't cut it and it still feels like I am constantly messing with these "feedings".  I started juicing this week again and putting the vegetable juice through my tube and that has led to some interesting sensations.  It is very interesting how much I can actually taste when I put liquid directly into my stomach.  I suppose it has something to do with gas released during digestion travelling up my esophagus and then being expelled as a burp.  It is almost immediate, however, and I didn't notice it until I started pouring in kale-spinach-carrot-beet juice.  I was looking forward to NOT having to taste it, but as is so often the case in my life, it didn't work out the way that I was hoping.  At least I am getting something in my belly other than baby formula, a little diversity is good for my tummy.  Still looking forward to that glorious first cheeseburger, although I am a bit concerned with my chewing ability now that I have had so much time without really working out my jaw.  The left side of my jaw is still mobility impaired and painful from the second surgery and first round of radiation that focused treatment in that area.  The muscles are always tight over there and they get stiff and crampy when I haven't used them in awhile.  Any pain will be well worth it to once again get the pleasure of eating normally again.  I will likely make myself sick the first day back on the eating wagon, but I have already prepared myself for that and will gladly accept my punishment.  I can't be around people who are eating anymore, so I spend family dinner time laying in bed listening to the frivolity happening at the dinner table.  That is much better for everyone.  Who needs the dumb guy sitting at the table drooling over the meal of the day and getting increasingly annoyed by the sounds of people eating? Nobody living on Rockefeller Cove, of that I am sure.

I was discharged from the home health service yesterday, so that is a step in the right direction, I suppose.  I report next Monday to have the stitches removed and visit the surgeon for the first time since surgery.  Should be fairly routine and I am not expecting much to come of it at all.  That is the day, however, that I have my best chance of eating normally for the first time.  They will do a barium swallow study to see how my swallow function is post surgery.  I really hope that I ace that test.  I don't know how much more of this I can take.  Monday shall either be a very good day or a very bad day.  Again, time will tell.