A full week at home!

It is now Monday, December 15th, 2014 and I have been recovering at my house on the 17th hole of the Highland Lakes Golf Course for exactly one week.  The time has flown by and I continue to improve every day.  I probably mentioned this before, but this time feels totally different for whatever reason.  Physically I am able to do much, much more than I have in the past and mentally I am filled with much needed hope and feelings of finally being able to put all of this behind me and a vision for the future.  It has now officially been almost 3 years since I first was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma and SO much has happened in that time.  It feels like I have been fighting this my whole life, or at least a good portion of it...but it has only been 3 years.  That seems like such a short amount of time when I think about the rest of my life, but it also feels like an eternity to me.  It is crazy how the mind works (my mind, at least).  I don't have the greatest memory in the world (just ask Jessica about that), but I usually remember the big things.  My mind has erased a good portion of the events leading up to the surgery on December 2nd.  Just the normal everyday stuff.  We had a great Thanksgiving day with my entire family.  My mom and dad were at their house up here, along with my sister and her family and then my brother and his brood arrived on Thanksgiving day.  I don't really remember any of it.  We had family pictures made that Saturday along with a birthday party celebrating AJ's 8th and my brothers youngest daughters 1st.  I couldn't tell you what happened that day if I had to.  Nothing.  Erased completely.  Pretty sure I went to work during that week, but I don't know when or what I did.  The one thing that sticks out in my mind is immediately prior to surgery, after I made my way on to the surgical table in the operating room, surrounded by a team of medical professionals and hooked up to the gas they always give me to relax me and begin the knock-out process.  I reached out for my ENT surgeon, Dr. Pytynia, and told her that my name was Bryce and to stop calling me Mr. Stobb.  That's it.  Apparently that is the one important thing that I needed to remember about this whole ordeal.
Liquid feedings suck.  They say that it is a great way to recover.  No need to worry about eating, just hook your tube up to a bag filled with formula, let it drain into your stomach and get on with your day.  On one hand, yes, it is a very simple process.  I understand exactly what they mean, as eating has been very difficult after most of the surgeries I have had.  What they don't tell you (and maybe it is just me) is how incredibly unsatisfying it is to be fed in this manner.  Sure, I get my calories in and the nutrition I am getting fills me up.  It fills me up, but it is, in NO way satisfying.  I want a freaking cheeseburger.  I want to smell it (which, interestingly enough, I probably won't be able to do as I don't really smell anything anymore), I want to bite into it and taste it, i want to chew it up.  All those sensations are lost when you pour liquid directly into your stomach, bypassing the best part, the sensory delights that accompany the act of eating.  It is absolutely maddening having to watch everyone around me eat while I sit there hooked up to a bag on an IV pole and fluid slowly drips directly into my stomach.  I have one more week until my stitches come out and I have my swallow study to make sure I am capable of eating.  I can assure you right now that I am capable.  I drank some water yesterday to test out the function of my throat and esophagus.  Although very strange feeling, I can definitely ingest a mouth full of water.  The strangeness has to do with a lack of feeling in my throat and upper esophagus, I think.  I feel the liquid in my mouth and then I swallow and it is gone.  I don't feel it go anywhere, but it is undoubtedly not in my mouth anymore.  I guess I don't have feeling back there where they stitched me up anymore, which could pose a threat to someone who breathes normally.  That could be a choking hazard, but when you breathe through a hole in your neck, I doubt that it is really a big deal.  Speaking of eating, I think it is now time for my breakfast.  Two cans of formula, some water and a bunch of medicine.  Try not to be jealous.

Recovery continues to go very well.  I received great news on Friday in the form of a pathology report from surgery that is very promising.  For once, the surgery yielded no surprises and the results lined up with expectations going in.  Basically, they got all the cancer out that they knew about, and the suspicious spots they took out were not cancerous.  While this does not mean I am completely out of the woods yet, it is a big step in the right direction.  Time will tell what the final outcome is, but for now it feels so good feeling good again.