I am now officially over halfway through my treatment schedule and I couldn't be more pleased with that fact. Radiation was a breeze yesterday and today, but I am concerned that they are going to have to make me a new mask due to my ever disappearing beard. Its pretty sad looking today, I am trying to moisturizing the skin underneath mainly on my chin as the skin is bothering me and seems to be dry and flaky. Messing with the hair just makes it fall out, so I think I just need to let it go. I think tomorrow is going to be the day of reckoning. Stand alone 'stache with some bitchin' chops! I just really hope that it grows back, but am resigned to the fact that my beard could very well be gone for good. Met with the medical oncologist today before chemo and he said everything looks like it is going well...and gave me another prescription for an different anti-nausea medicine to try to see if it controls my nausea better. He has be now taking Lorazepam and for those who don't know, this medication is used as a sedative. Reading about it, I am hopeful that it helps with the mental aspect of not wanting to eat anything. I think that my eating issues are more psychological and maybe this pill will help with that and also alleviate some of the other issues I have with the Zofran. The first chemo nurse tried sticking my left had first, had trouble kept trying for awhile, then gave up. She called in backup and I once again had an IV in my right hand. Once that was done, everything went as was expected, although I was about an hour later today getting started so it seemed to go on forever.
I am really starting to struggle with the day to day task of keeping up enough calories entering my body and the mass water drinking is starting to become a chore. My mouth is starting to be much more sensitive to temperature (hot and cold) and so I have to be careful with the temperature of things that I ingest. I know I need to drink it, and I absolutely feel better when I drink it, so you think that would be a no-brainer. I think that is where the mind games start creeping in. I probably underestimated the amount that psychological issues would play in all of this. It is non stop...I never get a break from it. From when I get up until when I go to bed, it is a constant struggle to make sure that I do the things that I know I need to do to make this whole experience hopefully go as smoothly as possible. Each day it becomes more difficult, but I must press on. I need to do it for myself, but also for the other three people who are the most unfortunate to have to be around me the most. Now that I am over halfway there I can definitely start the official countdown to completion. I feel the road ahead will be hard, but I shall persevere and hopefully come out on the other side stronger and a better person.
I am typing this post in extreme comfort on my new adjustable bed. For the last two years I have been sleeping on two bed wedges, one that elevates my upper body and one to elevate my legs. They have deteriorated quite a bit and so today was the day that I went and got an adjustable base and new mattresses. It is a split king (basically it is just two twin xl beds side by side), so we each have our own control. Thus far it is super cool, I didn't opt for all the crazy features with the base, so I can just lift my upper body and also raise my legs. My hope is that it helps me get better rest and allows more comfortable sleeping positions. I shall now give it the full first night test run! Goodnight!
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